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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ericakeithley's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, July 7th, 2015
5:45 pm
He told me so
R: Don't worry! He's oblivious!
Me: C, are you oblivious?
C: What did you say?
Wednesday, March 18th, 2015
4:24 pm
Whaaa...?
Today's inscrutable comment (received as I helped 3 of our 4 kids out of the minivan at a store):
"Whoa! Do you have seven more in there?"
As the last one poked his head out, he said, "Even more! I thought so!"

What the heck?
Friday, March 6th, 2015
7:51 am
From AM's treatise on Sisterly Love and Etiquette
"If you find that the demands of your busy play schedule force you to leave baby brother alone in your shared room early in the morning, be sure to leave a token of your affection, such as a toy hammer, in his crib! When he awakens, he can play with it and even whack himself in the head before Mommy even arises!"
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015
8:29 am
Here on Gilligan's Isle ...
I'm accustomed to odd breakfast discussions, but today's was surreal.

AM: I love Gilligan's Island.
General enthusiastic agreement.
AM: The Howells are the parents!
Again with the agreement.
Me: Who do you like the best?
C: Gilligan! He's so funny. (If this homeschooling family has a class clown C's it, so ... Good choice, son!)
AM: Ginger! (Really? This from the girl who loves fingernail polish and dresses?)
Me: A, how about you?
A (thoughtful silence): The professor, because he's the smartest. (Spoken truly as the kid who can't get his head out of a book to save his life.)

The worst part is Robbbbbb and I have been relegated to snobby, fuddy-duddy status with out the piles of dough with which to console ourselves.
Wednesday, February 11th, 2015
9:56 am
High and low culture?
Overheard today ...

A. (as he cleans the guinea pigs' cage): "I am the Master of the Pig's Navee!"

(What can you expect, really? We saw HMS Pinafore last weekend, and he was so enamored with it he named one of the piggies Josephine!)
Monday, January 12th, 2015
10:17 am
Keeping the neighborhood safe: spies and ...
The meatheads are outside playing spies. A is keeping surveillance notes in a "diary" notebook. He showed me his first entry. Apparently the only suspicious character he's saw today was the mail lady. Just delivering mail or doing something more malicious. More observation is necessary. Also, there are footprints in the dew on the ground. Very concerning.

C informed me that the is the tank driver. Not sure how inconspicuous that is, but perhaps he is providing a distraction for the spies. A tank on our residential street would be a magnificent distraction.
10:13 am
Crime and Punishment
The baby was so sleepy this afternoon, but he couldn't sleep. His nap schedule was thrown off by the noisy work of our piano technician. He really needed a nap but was fighting it, so I was really relieved when he finally stopped making noises. At long last, a resting child!

As I was resting myself, I heard a small fuss. The baby is probably ok, no need to rush up there, I told myself and returned to my screen surfing. AM puttered past. "Don't go up there, please!" "Ok." More feeble crying from the baby. "He's ok," I say to myself.

Clump, clump. Someone is going upstairs!

By the time I get up to the foot of the stairs, I'm really upset. I see AM with her hand on the bedroom door.

"Did you go into the baby's room?"
"....Nooo..."
"Yes you did! I saw you coming out! You are lying. Nose in the corner."

After a sufficient time in the corner I sit her down to talk. I give her the standard "Don't lie to me" talk and she confesses.

"Why did you go in there after I asked you not to!"
"Andoo was cryin'! I wanted to give him a toy."

I felt two inches tall at that point.
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014
7:57 am
Super powers
Every parent thinks their kid is special, but I'm sure that AM is extraordinary She can somehow "bother" her brother without lifting a finger. Today she was standing 3 feet away from C., not looking at him, not touching him, not talking to him, and yet she was able to reduce him to tears of agony. "Mom, make her go awaaaaaay! She's pestering meeee!" Mental telepathy? An invisible limb that she uses to poke or tickle? The possibilities are endless.

Fortunately I've discovered how to protect C. I just send him to his room.
Monday, December 1st, 2014
8:47 am
Big Chrissy
C. is channeling Big Jule today. He was playing a military game with imaginary dice today with AM. His luck was amazing! After rolling 18 dice he got 16 critical hits and 2 "reggooler" ones. I hope his luck continues like Big Jule's in Guys and Dolls: "33 arrests and no convictions!"
Saturday, November 29th, 2014
10:53 am
It's all down hill from here ...
I think I've probably hit the zenith of my motherhood. In the same day I had both of these two conversations.

Me: What is it you wanted to do, sweetheart?
AM: Please, can I wash the dishes?

Mrs. D (A's religious ed teacher): A. wished me a happy birthday! I asked him how he knew it was my birthday and he said you told him.
Me: Yup. Your daughter told me.
Mrs. D: Oh! I asked A. how you knew and he said, "My mommy knows everything!"

I am the bomb.
Monday, November 3rd, 2014
9:16 am
There is such a thing ...
... as too much eclecticism.

This is what I was hearing from the living room this morning:

1. A poorly performed reduction of Waltz of the Flowers (courtesy of A.) accompanied by the noise of lots of stomping, dancing feet
2. C. insisting, over the din of feet and piano, "You be Princess Leia, and I'll be Han Solo."
3. After the dance was over all three singing Boy Scout song "Drinking water!"
4. An encore of AM chanting "Salmon nigiri!" to the tune of "Drinking water!"
Friday, October 17th, 2014
1:40 pm
Nice try, son
Mommy: A., do you know where the case for the princess tent is?
A. (nonchalantly): Oh, six to one, half dozen to another.
Mommy (channeling Inigo Montoya): I do not think that means what you think it means.
Wednesday, October 8th, 2014
8:22 am
I'm the straight man again
AM: Mommy, where my football.
Mommy: I'm not sure. I'd check the kitchen.
AM (Pulls out neckline of pjs and stares clear down to her belly button): Nope! Not there.

How is it that I've lived through 5 years of toddlers and I still don't recognize a set-up before I wade right in?
Friday, October 3rd, 2014
10:51 am
History of politics, writ small
After a while of playing farms, A. got tired of my dictatorship and suggested that perhaps he wouldn't listen to me any more. Rebellion! Since I was sick of being the dictator I gave up without a fight. A small taste of anarchy (AM started shooting everyone and drawing on other people's farms) convinced him that some sort of government was better than others. His idea was that all the kids could make up their own rules, and he'd write them down. Democracy! There ensued 30 minutes of busy legislation. A. announced the rules, but AM, queen of a rogue state, heedlessly disobeyed A.'s rules. As Mommy is the only one who can truly wield authority at this point in the day, the farmland reverted to a military state with Mommy being enforced. And thus we quickly returned to dictatorship. I think the kids got sick of politics, because everyone trickled off to play other games and have snacks. And thus endeth the lessons in international politics.
10:05 am
Dictatorial Wisdom
When the Mommy Government starts meddling in kid farms, the interventions the government is called to make never.stop.
9:48 am
Cowboys vs. The Man
The kids have a new game: cowboys and farms. I think it was inspired by reading the Little House books and a rediscovery of their cowboy outfits. Anyway, everyone has his own farmland (a sheet of paper on which A. has drawn pictures of animals, corrals, etc.). They start fighting: "AM. no!" "Mom, she's putting her farm on top of mine!" etc. So I came in and told them that I'm the Government and that I get to decide where their farms are, since I'm giving them the land. Then I told them to watch out and not fight or the Government will come in and take away their farms or start taxing them. Amazingly, it seems to have solved most of the fighting problems. A. keeps coming to me and asking if this or that is ok with the Government. Being a dictator is goooood.
Thursday, October 2nd, 2014
5:21 pm
Overheard
Only in my crazy house is Daddy greeted with this cacophony:
C: I won the Philoponesian War!
AM: I pooped in the potty!
A: No, it's Peloponnesian, C. You won the Peloponnesian War.

After a game of Sushi Go! they are all sitting in a princess tent listening to A. read Cinderella. I'm not sure if AM is still dressed as Princess Cowboy or not. I don't really want to know.
12:44 pm
I feel your pain, sister.
AM (in a wheedling manner): Please, A. will you help me?
A (distracted): ...yes...
AM (more emphatic): A! Help me.
A: .....
AM (imperiously): A., put down that book!
Thursday, September 25th, 2014
8:32 am
Apparently it's a family affliction
And now, from a second, more stoic hypochondriac:
C: I broke my leg.
Mommy: Really? Where?
C (pointing to his leg): Right here.
Mommy (examining a perfectly fine leg): How did you know it was broken?
C: It went (several enthusiastic noises sounding like pops and crackles).
Pause.
C: That means I need to walk it off.
Mommy: Ah. (Exeunt to avoid laughing in his face.)
Tuesday, September 16th, 2014
2:06 pm
My hypochondriac
A: Mom! Look! Look! I think a mosquito bit me!
Mommy: Huh. Yup. Looks like a mosquito bite.
A: But Mom! A *mosquito* bite!
Mommy: Yup. Look. I have one, too.
A: But ... don't mosquitos give you mahlahreeea?
Mommy: Uhhhh ... (Brain slowly interpreting).
A: You know! Like in Little House! When Laura's family gets bit in the creek bottoms, and they get really sick, and ...
Mommy: Oh! No! There isn't any malaria in western Washington!
A: Ah. Ok.
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